How to Get a Negative Spouse to Support You in Business

By Kimberley Borgens

Are you having a hard time getting your spouse to support you in your business?

So often people feel their spouse is negative about them building a business. Many times it is really a misunderstanding. If you only tell your spouse that you are starting a business and then just go about your day and life to build your business then you have not included them in your decision.

Many spouses are left out of the decision-making process by their significant other because they are strong dynamic women who just go about life making decisions all day long. Wives come home and say” I signed up for…” He is probably thinking “Oh here we go again”! At least that’s what happens a lot in direct selling and multi-level marketing companies. I have worked with a lot of clients from those industries and have seen this often and they cannot understand why they are not getting the support they want from their spouses.

Let me be clear, no one is saying you need permission from your spouse to start a business. But your spouse wants to be included. They are our other half and when we do not include them they do not feel like that other half. They want to feel like you both are a team and his opinion matters in your life. When we don’t include our spouses in those decisions it leaves a negative feeling about them and this often comes out looking like they are negative to us. If this happens too many times in your relationship it may build into resentment and that can cause snide comments or lash out from your loved one. They are not meaning to do it but they are feeling left out.

I am a strong, bold, and decisive woman and I remember when my husband sat down with me for a hard conversation and said “I need you to need me sometimes” I looked at him with questioning eyes and said, “I am a strong, independent woman and if I need you I will let YOU know.” Like seriously! Then he began to tell me that he loves my strength, fast decisions, and all that I am and that as my husband he wants to be included and feel like we are a team. And he wanted to feel like I needed to have him in my life and my life choices because he is designed to be a provider and protector. He cannot protect me if he doesn’t know what’s going on and he only wants to provide me with support for what I do but doesn’t even really know what that is if I am not willing to communicate with him. He doesn’t feel like we are a team in what we call marriage and relationship.

I am a logical woman and understood what he was saying. He wanted more communication and he is a smart man who can see things from a different perspective that could possibly aid me in making the best decisions for my business and our life together.

Let me clear up a few things for mine and my husband’s relationship so you can have a clear perspective. First off, that conversation happened well over twenty-five years ago. We are business partners in a private security and private investigations business. I am the CEO and he is the President. If you know the hierarchy of a corporate structure then you know the CEO is above the President. So technically, yes I am his boss. We are a primarily woman-owned business. With that being said my husband is my partner in life and in business. We both have different roles in our relationship in business and at home. It doesn’t make him any less of a man to have his wife as his boss. Because the truth is I am not now or ever will be his boss. He is not now or ever will be my boss. We are together going through life and have to connect to keep our relationship thriving.

With that being said I want to share how you can be in an amazing relationship and have a great business that your spouse supports you too.

  1. Be honest with your spouse. Don’t hide what you are doing from them. They want to be included and be on your team.
  2. Share details about your business.
    • Who is the client you are looking for?
    • How will you make money?
    • What are the products and services you will provide?
    • Why do you want to do this business?
    • What are your long-term and short-term goals?
    • What kind of support are you looking for from your spouse?
  3. Be willing to listen to their objections. Listen to understand their concerns and hear the words they are saying and the tone of voice they are using. They need you to hear them and walk them through how you see it is going to work out. Some common questions that come up with objections are here to help you understand.
    • How much time will this business take you away from them?
    • Will you still have time for them?
    • Will you be available when they need you?
  4. Define your roles with each other.

You have to define the roles you play in the relationship and what each role means to you. It usually is unspoken and just figured out in relationships. But if you are looking to have an amazingly successful business and a fabulous relationship with your spouse it is important to speak about these and not wait for them to get covertly figured out.

One time my husband came home from the office and I was preparing dinner. I had picked up the kids from school and my role was now mother, wife, and madam of the house. He came home and was still in his role of the business owner and business partner and walked into the kitchen and began sharing business things and wanted me to make business decisions while I was chopping vegetables. My head was not in business mode it was in family mode. I pointed the knife I had in my hand at him and calmly said “I am the chef, the mom, and the wife right now, and if you need to speak to the business partner then you will need to make an appointment with her tomorrow when she is in the office.” He looked at me with big eyes as I swung the knife around and said okay dear. There are still comments from that day with my family “wait does she have a knife in her hands” haha. At that moment, we discovered the importance of defining the roles we are in the moment and that each of those roles matters. Have you defined your roles with your spouse?

These are just a few of the ways to get your spouse to support you in business. I have a Masterclass in my membership program The Hive Society where I dig much deeper into this topic if you are looking for more.

I have been known to say that I would have the best, most perfect husband in the whole world if he could just do one simple thing. One little thing that would change our relationship to perfection. Want to know what that one thing is? Everyone wants to know what that one thing is… I am sure you do as well. Well, here it is. If my husband could just read my mind he would be the perfect man. But since he cannot do that then I actually have to clearly communicate with him about everything I want him to understand and support me with. SO I will leave you with these last thoughts.

Do they know your dream? Have you created a clear vision for what you see for your business and shared it with your Spouse and family?

Clashes with their values. They see that what you are doing clashes with what they want to see based on their values and beliefs. By communicating you both can see if it truly clashes with their values and beliefs. Beliefs can change and when you can lay it out for them it helps them to see if it is truly a clash or not.

Concerned it will disrupt family dynamic (more pressure on them). We are all working hard in jobs, businesses, marriages, raising families, and trying to stay connected in our friend community. Taking on a new business, adding clients, and building a business and cause disruptions in your family roles, responsibilities, and everyday life. Don’t assume it doesn’t affect the people you love the most. Pay attention to this and talk about it

Money talks – What is it saying in your family? Money is the root of all evil… No, It Isn’t! The love of money, the fear of money, the secrets we hide about money, and not talking about money is truly the root of so many problems in our marriages and businesses! Talk about the money that is needed to start, build and grow your business to a profit-building dream. If you can’t talk about this with them then seek out counseling and figure it out. Money is the number one reason people get divorced, relationships end, and breaks down a family unit. Please start talking about it and let’s change the statistics!

Is it possible to succeed in business without the support of your partner? Absolutely!

Would it be easier if you had your spouse’s support in your business? Definitely!

The challenge is now on you. Are you willing to be honest, communicate, share, listen, define your roles and do what it takes to help your spouse understand how invaluable their support is for you?  

Kimberley Borgens

About the author

Kimberley Borgens was married at 18, a mother at 19, and divorced at 20, she has journeyed from being a single mom on welfare to recognizing her strengths, fighting for what she believes in, and successfully building 5 thriving businesses with hundreds of employees and million-dollar budgets. Kimberley is a speaker, business mentor, and coaches her clients to transform their small business into a thriving business. Kimberley is living her own legacy as she inspires and motivates women to be fearless, become more like a CEO of their business and life, and enjoy the freedom they've dreamed of. She knows what it's like to start from nothing and build a strong solid business and she can help you too.

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