Stop Hurting People From Your Past!

By Kimberley Borgens

Have you been in a relationship that has failed?

We all have been in a relationship that didn’t work out. Maybe it didn’t work out because you discovered that you were like oil and water. Just couldn’t stay blended. You both chose to leave make a new start.
Maybe after many of life’s hard times, you both started to dislike each other. Overwhelm and chaos seem to set into your lives. Anger and hurt loomed at every turn.

Maybe things were going great and kids came along. Raising kids is hard work. You didn’t have the support necessary to succeed at being a parent, a spouse, or even be good to yourself. Your world crashed and you have leftover baggage from the harsh realities of relationships.

Okay, so we all have had a relationship that didn’t work out. What happens next?

The judgment from others of your failed connection.

Family members who reject you because you made a choice about what worked better for you and your well-being.

Exes who hold grudges from your mistakes and will do and say whatever they can to keep you knocked down and in guilt about your past mistakes.

You might have been in an abusive relationship that has left you scarred and untrusting of others.
Then there is the other side of the relationship journey – friends and family.

Friends – you wanted them to pick a side. His or hers! And if you don’t take a side you are the enemy even when you are trying to come from love and stay unbiased. Friends lost! Friends who want to give you advice and team up against the spouse you are letting go! Pick a side, bash the ex and make it all about a winner!

Relationships are a lot of work. If you are in a wonderful relationship that is mutually respectful and uplifting. Value it! Share about it and help others along the journey.

If you have been in a relationship that has ended, it is time to let it go. Here are few thoughts if it didn’t work out.

Look at the good times and value those memories. Look at the bad times and learn from them. How would you do it differently if you were to do it over again? What did you bring to the relationship? Love, compassion, hurt, anger …
What didn’t you bring? Understanding, courage, forgiveness …

What will you bring to the next relationship?

Don’t keep holding a grudge if it didn’t work out! Come back to your ex and lay down a track of guilt when you see something that you can snag and continue to make their life hard! That’s not fair! If you are doing that then stop it! Life is hard enough and it is not your job to continue to lay judgment on another human being. We all will have to answer to our higher power and you are not it! Move on. If you are guilt-tripping your ex then that is a bigger reflection of your character! Slamming their character downs make you better it makes you small!

Lift up your exes. Respect that it didn’t work. Move forward and find what makes you happy. Find what fulfills you. It may not be a relationship at all. It could be a passion that helps others and lets your heart shine. You don’t have to be friends but you can co-exist in a world of lessons learned. Your ex is not your enemy! It just didn’t work out. People make mistakes and have hard times. Your ex never said in their wedding vows that they were perfect. You both made mistakes in the relationship. You both came away a little scarred from what didn’t work. You made choices and they turned out to be wrong choices. But remember you made a choice to be in the relationship and then you made new choices to end it because it was necessary for both of you.

I made peace with my ex. He is remarried like I am. I like his wife and children and have no regrets about being married to him. It didn’t come right away. It wasn’t an easy journey (no one ever said I take the easy route anyway). I felt hurt, disrespected, angry and sad. He left me and went straight to some other woman. I thought I wasn’t good enough for him. I thought I was the problem. The truth was we were the problem. We were young and dumb. We didn’t work hard enough to stay committed and we didn’t have friends and family who wanted to see us succeed. (There were bets at our wedding of how long we would last.) We had baggage and we had unmet expectations.

Today we are friends. We talk and laugh with each other. We honor and respect each other’s families and we know the prices we paid for our time together so long ago.

I could be angry and hold a grudge for the rest of my life or I could move on and be blessed for the amazing son that came from our time together. I chose gratitude and love! What will you choose from this point forward?
Disclaimer: Abusive relationships where lives have been threatened are not what I am talking about here. Keep yourself safe but move on so you win and can find peace.

Disclaimer: Abusive relationships where lives have been threatened are not what I am talking about here. Keep yourself safe but move on so you win and can find peace.

Kimberley Borgens

About the author

Kimberley Borgens was married at 18, a mother at 19, and divorced at 20, she has journeyed from being a single mom on welfare to recognizing her strengths, fighting for what she believes in, and successfully building 5 thriving businesses with hundreds of employees and million-dollar budgets. Kimberley is a speaker, business mentor, and coaches her clients to transform their small business into a thriving business. Kimberley is living her own legacy as she inspires and motivates women to be fearless, become more like a CEO of their business and life, and enjoy the freedom they've dreamed of. She knows what it's like to start from nothing and build a strong solid business and she can help you too.

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